Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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