Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
