Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
