planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
