You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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