I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
