When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
