my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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