what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My vagina is very pro this idea
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
