we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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