2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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