NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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