I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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