I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
