I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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