Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
