Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
