I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
