By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
