last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
