Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so let's talk penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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