You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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