I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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