a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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