Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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