We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
