Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
