I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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