The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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