Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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