dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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