I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
