You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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