I cannot find my penis.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
