I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
