Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
