I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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