just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
