Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize