JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
