Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
