I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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