We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
