So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
