Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
