we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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