just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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