i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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