I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
PANTIES FOUND
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