hotel room ftw
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
