so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am naked and annoyed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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