Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
