What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
