I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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