and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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