i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
