jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
