His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
