YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
