I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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