I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
