Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just blew my weed a kiss
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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