so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
