you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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