The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
