I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
