shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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