Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
