I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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