I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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