That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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