I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
