she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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