it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
