I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
