were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
