Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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