so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
