It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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