I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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